I’m so physically and mentally tired. I try and try and try to succeed in things but it’s not working.
I’ve been having urges to self harm but I haven’t. Robert has helped with that recently. Sometimes I’m just like BUT IT’S SO EASY TO JUST DO IT AND FEEL BETTER but then I remember Yeah I will feel better for a few seconds then be flooded with regret and more sadness. So I don’t.
People are mad at me and I kinda don’t have enough energy in me to care. Maybe if I sleep I’ll care in a few days. I don’t know. A lot of things that are being thrown my way are situations most people deal with when they are 11, not 16. I’m not taking childish things seriously. I’m just kinda only being responsible for the things I can control and at the end of the day if someone doesn’t like me, then okay. I need to focus on school and people who genuinely care about me and treat me like I’m worth something.
On the plus side of things; I may get to see one of my good friends tomorrow for the first time in a really long time. I miss her a lot and I’m so happy to catch up with her. Also, today is me and Robert’s 10 months. :-)
There is physically and mentally only so much I can do for other people. I feel so sad that I can’t magically fix other people’s problems but at the same time I have to remind myself that I don’t have to. It’s not my responsibility to make everyone happy. Yes, I am here to listen and give the best advice I can but I shouldn’t be so consumed with other people’s life and issues that it causes me to have more of my own. Heck, I can barley walk down the hall without construct a new problem of my own in my head so why should I take on someone else’s? I need to step back from everything and think about myself for once. If I can’t take care of myself first, how will I be able to take care of other people?
I am so incredibly over high school. One moment someone is your friend but the second they get around someone else they act different. They say things to your face then turn around and something different to someone else. It’s hurtful to be the one person in the group who is obviously not like the rest. It’s almost like I am used just to be laughed at or made fun of. Oh Lindsay is the “weird” one or she’s the “lame” one and let’s not forget the infamous “goth”/”emo”/”green box kid” which I am none of, to be clear. I try to get away from people who bring me down but it’s like they follow me. Then if I manage to get away form them OH MY GOSH IT IS WORLD WAR 3 SHE LEFT I CAN’T BELIEVE IT SHE HATES US WHY DOES SHE NOT TALK TO US well gee maybe because you never talk to me and when you do it’s rude. I need to surround myself with people who actually love me and like being around me. I am lucky to say that I do have a handful of people that are my true friends but it breaks my heart to say that I have a handful that are not.
DO YOU EVER JUST SIT BACK AND THINK ABOUT HOW CUTE YOUR FRIENDS ARE? CAUSE ALL OF MY FRIENDS ARE SO CUTE WOW GO YOU LIKE YES ALL OF YOUR FACES MAKE ME SMILE AND I WANNA KISS YOUR CHEEKS AND TELL YOU HOW CUTE YOU ARE SO YOU NEVER FEEL SAD EVER LIKE WOW YES SO CUTE
I’m excited for Disney tomorrow, but I already know that I will be left out of a lot of things. :/ Being excluded by people kinda sucks.
That moment when you think you’re friends with someone but they straight up tell you that you guys aren’t……. hmm. :/
you guys should add me on facebook.
ya this is my personal one buy i don’t care because i need friends okyyyyy