IF YOU KNOW SOMEONE WITH ANXIETY DISORDER PLEASE READ THIS:

If the person that is panicking does not listen to what you are telling them, it isn’t because they don’t care. They aren’t listening because they are PANICKING. In their mind everything is going 1000 miles per second and they are thinking of the worse case scenarios for everything. They are trying to breathe, trying not to self harm, or trying to focus on thinking somewhat straight. 

So stop thinking that they don’t care about you or they are mad at you. Don’t storm off and get angry if the person who is panicking doesn’t respond the way you want them to. Don’t yell at them! Be calm and just sit with them. 

They want to control themselves just as much as you want to control them.

Moment of silence because my bully from middle school is transferring to my school tomorrow.

Luckily I am staying home because it’s a non-mandatory testing day. But Thursday…. well. 

Let’s just say I am trying not to cry.

tagged: +personal  +hate this 

i have crap self esteem tonight

tomorrow i should clean and make cute snacks but ill probably sit on my floor crying about myself because i am selfish and stupid

i hate myself sometimes\

a letter to taylor swift

hey taylorswift this is a letter for you:

So my love for you started when I was in the 4th grade. My friend Lily came to school singing “Cory’s eyes are like the jungle. He smiles, just like the radio”. And from that moment I would go home searching for lyric videos from all your songs on YouTube. I’m pretty sure my mom was annoyed by how many times I would replay Our Song. 

As I got older, I realized your music was super relative to everything I was going through and I was convinced we were long lost sisters or something… Despite our different last names and not so similar physical attributes. 

I vividly remember being on vacation in Florida when Love Story was super popular on the radio. My family and I sang it while driving to my uncle’s house. When we got home, I would sometimes dress up and dance around pretending I was the princess in the music video.

Middle school rolled around and You Belong With Me was my life anthem. I had crushes on boys and had so much faith in that song. I was a “junior jewel” at heart even though I was just a mellow dramatic 13 year old. 

Mean of course came in handy when I had a bully. She was terrible and by golly I wish I had Shake It Off at that age. 

My freshman year came, and you already know I got ready for my first day while listening to Fifteen. Later that year, your advice became so important when I went on my very first date, and he indeed did have a car. 

I ended up dating this boy (and I still am)! Whenever I would get ready for our dates I would blast Today Was A Fairytale and Fearless, because they made me believe in the type of magic people find in movies. 

My friends went through heartbreaks and I would listen to Forever and Always with them as they cried, just wishing you could be here to bake cookies for us and let us pet your cats. I know you’re probably the best person to come to with heartache. 

I’ve had the privilege of seeing you live two times. I saw you on your Speak Now tour and Red tour in Atlanta. I waited outside for 14 hours just to catch a glimpse of you at the Phillips Arena, but sadly I didn’t. But it was such a great adventure that I got to share with my mom. She loves you just as much as I do! 

Now this past summer, everyone’s song was of course, 22. I would dance and dance to this song like no one’s business. Ironically, my sister turned 22 this past July! July 9th to be exact, which relates to Last Kiss. Just though I should throw that tid bit in there.

Currently, I play Stay Stay Stay on repeat and Ours because they remind me of my boyfriend. Those songs make my heart smile. It’s weird how you just know how to put my feelings into words when it’s hard for me to do myself.

I think you are a fabulous person and I would love to have lunch with you some day and just kinda talk about life. 

So if you’re ever in the Atlanta area, let me know! I’d love to get to know you and show you pictures of my cat Sailboat. Or you could just come over and meet my cat. 

I will forever and always be a fan,

Lindsay Anderson!!!

ALERT ALERT THIS IS NOT A DRILL

THE GIRL WHO BULLIED ME IN MIDDLE SCHOOL IS TRANSFERING TO MY HIGH SCHOOL NEXT WEEK

SHE TOLD ME VIA FACEBOOK AND I AM CRYING

MY 13 YEAR OLD SELF IS COMING THROUGH AND I AM TERRIFIED 

PLEASE SEND HELP

I NEED HUGS AND CARE PACKAGES FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR

I MAY NOT MAKE IT OUT ALIVE

tagged: +personal  +bullied  +bully  +scared 
a list of things from my childhood, a time line of how I am now
practicing my make up for my job is a fun way to spend a saturday afternoon

practicing my make up for my job is a fun way to spend a saturday afternoon

did a thing to get in halloween spirit

did a thing to get in halloween spirit

the last thing, maybe, probably not.

everywhere i look you are there. not your face or your picture, but your ideas and your clothes and your music and your hand writing. it’s on my walls and in my wallet and under my bed. i found you when i was looking for my shoes. i sighed and tied my laces while i read your words. i cried on the couch while watching tv with my dad tonight because i saw a commercial that had a song in it which we listened to on the way home from prom. he looked angry at you, but not because of you. but because you were the reason i had tears on my new bunny onesie. i should’nt ever cry in that. it’s too cute. there’s a kid in my chemistry class that has your first name and your middle name as his last. my heart drops when i see it on his papers but then i remember, “oh. it’s not you”. i try to not remember the time we layed on my floor but my floor is my floor and i see it every night and morning so i remember and it makes me sad. and i know i brought this all on myself and i know people are tired of seeing me post about you but i’m not mad at you. i’m not trying to be mad at least. i just wish things were the way they were when they were genuine. like the way they were when we sat on the bench and wrote our names or the way we were when the sprinklers went off or the way we were dancing in public or the way we were when you helped with my math homework. and i probably remember more than you or maybe i don’t. maybe i just think too much or maybe i miss to much but i don’t want to forget about everything because every fiber in me misses your eyes and your hands and your gap. i try to not think about you but you’re everywhere. and i miss you but you know that and i’m sorry. i don’t want to stress you out but you mean so much to me and i wish i could see you and hug you and be yours but i’m not and i don’t think i will be for a while. i know you don’t want to focus on me and you have school and i know i know i know. but i’m sorry. this isn’t mutual anymore. 

How can you not think about it? How can your heart not be in your stomach every second of the day?