I JUST HATE WHEN PEOPLE MAKE PROMISES THEY CANT KEEP AND THEY DONT EVEN REALIZE THEY MADE A MISTAKE SO THEN WHEN I REPLY TO THEIR TEXTS I ONLY USE PERIODS AND NO EMOJIS AND THEN AFTER I CLICK SEND I THROW MY PHONE ACROSS THE ROOM THEN GO AND GET IT TO REPLY AGAIN
I’m feeling incredibly lonely. I feel like I make a post starting this way at least once a month. It’s just kinda sad that I never get heartfelt text messages or phone calls anymore. People always find reasons not to hang out with me. I make new friends, then after a few days they are uninterested. I know I shouldn’t let other people’s actions bring me down so much, but they are and I can’t help it. I just want to feel important.
I just really want my life to be more pure and genuine; not a life spent wanting drugs or sex or alcohol or gossip or anything that can harm me or the people I care about around me.
These past few months I have been overcome with lust and sexual sin. It was something that I did in order to make me feel important and to feel in control. But then minute after anything took place, I became guilty and regretful.
So this past week I went to a christian leadership camp called IMPACT. I wasn’t expecting much because I was so worried over things and feeling incredibly shamed by my mistakes. As we started to do sessions, the talk of sexual sins kept coming up. I then remembered the verses in James that talk about confessing sins to one another.
At Impact we get family groups for the week. So at our third family group session after a big camp worship I was just so caught up in my shame even though I had already confessed my mistakes to Jesus. I knew I needed to tell my family group. So, I opened up to my family group and it turned out two other people in my group had been struggling with the same thing and ended up sharing a little bit about their past and how God was helping them or what they wanted God to change in their life.
After confessing my sin to my family I began to feel better. Although I am upset over my mistakes and I am dealing with my consequences, I came out of the raging ocean with a new heart. I came out with a heart that wants to save physical things for inside marriage because marriage is a picture of God and the church. It’s important to me, and my future husband, that I stay faithful to him starting now.
This week has been so helpful to me and my walk. I got the peace in my heart I have been needing, I got the tools to talk to Robert about things, and I made a ton of new life-time friends.
It’s so nice to know that once sin is confessed God just wraps you up in his arms again and forgives you. You start new and clean. I can’t spend my time dwelling on the past when I could spend my time giving glory to God.